Adkinson Completes ‘Fourth Final’ Half-Marathon, Ends Career

‘At least I beat 103 other old guys,’ aging athlete declares

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (April 28, 2012) – Runner/jogger/walker/plodder Tom Adkinson says he has wrapped up a semi-illustrious half-marathon career by completing his “fourth final” Country Music Half-Marathon.

His time on the hilly, hot course through downtown Nashville was 2:41:23.

“The way I see it, my time was better than 1,846 other guys, including 103 geezers in my 60-64 age group,” he said between gulps of restorative chocolate milk. He had turned down the race’s offer of a Michelob Ultra as “simply not worth it.”

Adkinson began his half-marathon exploits in 2007 to combat wintertime boredom, acknowledging that he now has “successfully conquered that feeling” as he draped a towel soaked in ice water over his head.

His race time in 2007 was 2:41:46. In between were times of 2:32:00 and 2:37:36.

“Dropping off the circuit means I can seek treatment for my budding addiction to GU Chomps (46 carb grams in a single package) and knowing that my first race was my slowest – although I gave that time a run for its money today, beating it by a whopping 23 seconds,” he said.

He said his next quest is to determine when a number begins to “whop.”

 

Adkinson, who also declared his first half-marathon to be his last, kept making comebacks. This time, he cited country singer Porter Wagoner’s song, “I’ve Enjoyed as Much of This as I Can Stand,” as proof of a definite departure.

Adkinson’s first three races were under the banner of the Beer and Advil Research Council, but the resulting data never concluded that either drug did that much good to sustain a runner through an 18-week preparation regimen.

This year, he raced with a new team, the “There’s No Fool Like an Old Fool” team.

“I founded the Old Fool team somewhat as a lark. Even though I raced alone today, there were plenty of prospects to buy the name from me among the almost 30,000 participants,” he noted.

 

Adkinson had complained of problems as the race day approached, citing a new disorder – post-iPod syndrome.

“I was hearing voices in my head although I knew my iPod was locked up in the liquor cabinet. I’d wake up in the night reciting Jimmy Buffett (“Why Don’t We Get Drunk”), Jim Croce (“Roller Derby Queen”) and Les Kerr (“Tourist in a Rental Car”), and that’s not a good thing. Even though most of the lyrics involved alcohol and women, that’s still not a good thing,” he explained.

Looking back on his half-marathon career, Adkinson said he would miss the inspirational messages from fans lining the course.

“I was particularly moved today by the woman with the handmade sign that read, ‘I Don’t Know You, But I’ll Still Cheer for You.’ That meant a lot,” he said.